Vivid iKid

I'm running out of fingers to count the number of times today I've reached down and stealthily felt beneth my crotch pantfold to see if my zipper is down. I keep having these bissare shocks, where I all the sudden think I'm commando and my pant zipper has come undone. I feel the cold blasts of air, and everyone is looking at me. But upon examination, everything is in place. There was one time, when talking to my group, that I actually heard the zipper coming undone. And I knew it was down for sure. But because I had been assuming it would happen all day long, I was ready, and I covered for it. I finished my sentence, dipped my head and slunk away while casually extending the bottom of my long sleeve shirt, as if I had just decided the proportions in my garb were off and needed to be modified in the shirt department.

I'm about to get rejected at work over and over and over again. I wonder how I will take it.

I was assaulted verbally by her today. My ex-group member also agreed I was shut down. Just because she's such a hurt bitch doesn't mean she has to take it out on me again. It seems like my life is on repeat. This is the story of my life. From back in hide-and-go-seek days through truth-or-dare and now to read-on-camera, I put up with verbal torture from females.

I seriously was going to break out and cry at one point.

The way my jacket looked made me feel uncomfortable. It reminded me of that 80's Eddie Murphy standup shit from last night. Tacky, depressing and awkward.

"Is he a funny guy?" the teacher asked, asking my class about me after my serious fuck-up on-camera that made everyone laugh. My heart shot into my mouth.

Everyone laughed. But they seemed to indicated I was funny, with ya's.

"Is he a pretty well liked guy?" he asked.

Slight hesitation...the moment of truth...but then ya's. Amanda said ya, I think, a little louder than anyone else, and she meant it. Or at least she was trying to be supportive. I needed that. She remindes me of that woman from Medium (caring and smart). Actually it's the other way around. I saw that show for the first time the other day, and it had some decent scenes amid the mire of Prime Time TV bullshit. That star was the reason I liked the show because she reminded me of Amanda's heartfelt dialogue.

That made me feel a little better.

My black nailpolish is starting to flake off.

I may suck ass right now, but at least people think I'm funny and respect me for the fact that I'm not a cruel jaded suburban bitch.