Vivid iKid

The other day I was just picking up someone else's discarded read on the subway, content to numb my mind with disjointed facts, when my eye caught some infotainment advertorials brandishing new jargon. I decided political correctness had just acheived a new low. My advice: Better watch out our some of these new terms will blindside you. You better stay up to date because everyone knows in a few months we'll all know these words and have known them forever. Here are some trends and terms to be aware of.

Prime Timers: Geezer is offensive and so is senior citizen. Why would we want to remember these people are closer to death than they are to birth? That's not very polite now, is it. These people, who have loved and lost, partied and settled down decades ago already, are really just now heading into the best days of their lives. There is so much empty time on the horizon, where they will have nothing better to do anyways besides fritter away their time with brainless entertainment like a golf marathon. These people are not retirees; they are not wise elders; they are Prime Times.

Downsizing: People don't retire to simplified lifestyles, they downsize. Brought to you by the producers of Corporate America: A Nightmare We Ignore, starring the men and women who orchastrated the bureaucratic mire for their own glamour, comes a new release, Post-Corporate America: Slackers Downsize. "Downsizing often conjures up...more time for sports, recreation, travel, dining out, hobbies and simply enjoying life." Well geez, thanks for telling me what I often think. I'm a big fan of mental dictation like that. Self-righteous baby boomers can't imagine the spotlight shifting from them for a second. Greed is a wonderful way to fuel language development (or destruction).

Home-staging: Face it, no one wants to buy a house with your grandkids broken toys littered all over the floor or your daughter-in-law's bra hanging off the guest bedpost. How can you enter the mythical world of doing nothing if you can't sell your house? Not to fear, faking a perfect atmosphere in the home is a great way to entice buyers. "Selling your home is all about creating an ambience and establishing an emotional connection with prospects." And best of all, you don't have to do a thing. "Your agent will know what your home's best features are; a professional home stager will show you the best way to highlight them." Don't worry, based on the size of your house and the astronomical price you're probably asking for this probably won't cost you less than $4,000.

Home Inspection: If your home is "getting on in years" you better "be proactive". You need a home inspection. Don't know why you should do this? Well, you don't want any buyers thinking even though you're trying to move to a post-job world that you're getting old. That would be embarrassing. They might even think you were losing it. You better get a home inspection. "Your thoroughness will impress them."

(All quotes directly from the October 22, 2005 article).