Vivid iKid

In spaces where sleep doesn't come, despite not getting high; in yellow showers as the bright of Saturday lights hedges; where I can piss and watch the pink sunrise in the North -- something I've never done before, everything's so clear. Usually there are multiple locomotives on a colision course at this address -- apparently the central train station. I can't help but get waylaid by distractions (whether it's television, shallow ideologies or the tempting refrigerator). But today, or at least at this moment, in front of my computer screen, typing my first blog entry into the most fucking awesome blog site ever (which I just found earlier this morning, before the purple sky had changed to baby blue), it's easy enough. And it's important that I write it now. Because in a split second it will have been forgotten, drifting into the sands of distraction wasteland.

I have to hit a garage sale this morning. At least one. Maybe not though, as I'm seriously fucked due to a lack of sleep, and more importantly, I have to get Tinester home alive and in one peice. I wonder if she slept. I want to buy a T-shirt before work at the CD store at 1, maybe at the garage sale, maybe that Jap-influenced Tee I saw at Sure Thing. But I have to talk to Tina. I have to sort shit out. Basically: I have to be the best friend I can be. That means clearing my mind, by figuring out who I am and trying to remain awake as long as possible.

I'm sure I'm gonna read this later and realize I must have been on crack, but whatever. I just think it's funny that sometimes, the less sleep I have the more I get done.

Oh, and I have to make orange juice. Well, I don't have to, but I have the urge to do that. That's just the colour the day is outside.

Maybe sunglasses (for Casey's) too.

Cath said it was weird that a year ago I hardly knew her but now me and Tina were like her best friends. They're pretty much my only friends here too. Meet some of the people around here and you'll realize that's a good thing. Like those fuckers who stole my case from my car last night. That one took me by surprise. I thought it was kewl that Tinester offered to burn me some new CDs. (side note: ever have that thing where you look at the way you've spelled a word and you're sure it's wrong, but you know you've spelled it right. ya...that just happened with me and the word now...or is it know...haha). But they let me just sit on Tinester's floor numb, sucking from an empty float glass, watching their discourse fly by like a movie. I'm always tired, no matter how much sleep I get, I told them. And that's even without aftermath of substances. I wouldn't even drink coffee until later, when I started feeling more peppy on my own.

But my most important responsibility thing to keep in mind is timing. I have to have Martina home in time so I can make it to work on time, and then stay awake long enough to get off work, and then make it to my next work on time to get slammed with a supper rush. The adrenalin is pumping now and I love it. I can only hope it's still going then. I know I shouldn't probably drive, but I figure I'm in better shape than my sister (the only one here at the moment...and she found a fucking sweetass background pic for our shared desktop); she's hopped up on T3s. Ya, lots of coffee. Lot's of coffee in store today.

Catherine was smelling my coffees. I think she liked the instant Iced Cap one. Ya, it was fun. Then I ate a whole banana with peanut butter while we watched Trent Reznor's face pop in and out on the new Nine Inch Nails music video of those pin art squares, where you can leave an impression on the hundreads of little pins, creating your very own home art.

I was super pissed off that Wally went to that music festival down in Wilmar, this weekend. That band him I and Lewis were supposed to start could have been killer. But it's weird when things don't work out, again and again and again. Some things are just not meant to be. And then it's weird picking up the peices afterwards. The band thing was really important to me. In some weird way it was a case study for how my future should be. Like, I really wanted to do something now, try it out, to see if I could make my musical ambitions a reality in future. And I knew if we didn't get together by this Sunday I knew nothing would ever come of it. But ya, shattered glass -- ya know?

But losing other shit makes you realize how you can cope with the loss of original shit. Like tonight I lost sleep (it's gone away and I don't know where to find it). I lost some of the greatest Beatles albums of all times (Lewis', both). I lost the back of my $20 lip ring peice. I lost the CDs. And sometimes I felt like I was losing my friends. I can't explain the feeling, but it's kind of like a fear of misunderstanding.

You start asking what's left...

Then you hang out in an absurd existence with sweetass friends and you figure shit out.

I watched Donnie Darko, hoping it would put me to sleep. It didn't. But it did make me think about relationships and how important they are and all the rest of that bullshit. Saw an Arcade Fire video and thought about the new concept of family in a fucked up society (friends, loves...whatever the fuck works). I'm holding out for my future Arcade Fire, Toronto life...where I can escape the distraction whirlpool that I'm in and create my own songs.

But ya. I figure, start with the simple steps and take it from there.